I wrote about AuDHD back in Nov of 2025, when I started going through the diagnosis process. Now with a clinical diagnosis, I’m learning what it means. I’m unlearning my masking to look and act more neurotypical. I’m grieving the life I lived (struggled through) as an undiagnosed neurodivergent girlie.
It’s a lot. I’ve been doing EMDR therapy since March of 2026 and I love my therapist. She specializes in narcissistic abuse, CPTSD, and neurodivergence. I don’t have to explain myself to her because she is like me and understands. Our sessions aren’t full of talking or explaining. It’s a lot of quiet moments, of using art to navigate life, and EMDR speckled in.
EMDR is life changing. I had some extreme issues and vivid memories/somatic trauma and it made my life so much lighter. I am living with my parents in June, in between my time in OC and LA… and I notice I am very different. My mom notices it. My friends do too. I’m more chill. Everyone asked me what’s wrong b/c I’m so quiet.
Nothing.
This is actually more authentically me. Unmasked. I’m quiet. I’m shy. I dislike people and find most people annoying. I like quiet (like days without talking) in Irvine and I was happy like that. I’m unhappy when I have to talk to people. Processing and learning about autism/ADHD is validating- my need for solitude and silent recovery makes sense. I was always told that I was a “party pooper” or “isolating”. I realize I knew even then, that what I needed was space, but I was punished and bullied for asking for it.
So now, I take up that space, unapologetically. I think friends who care to understand, will. My previous therapists always told me connection is key in healing. But my current therapist recognizes that as a fellow AuDHD person, our connection may not be in people; it may be in animals. Like Poe. I am positive that I could live the rest of my life, just with her. I am the happiest I’ve ever been. I wake up and she’s the first thing on my mind. I leave the house, and I check the camera and miss her. I go out and hang out with friends, and am happiest when I am driving back to see her.
I think the life I’m creating now has more meaning to me. It’s aligned with who I am, not the multiple personas I created to fit into a neurotypical world. My constant desire to be in a cabin in the woods? Is actually my soul calling to come home to myself and recover. And in the past 8 months since my diagnosis process, I’ve been coming home to myself.
I like who I am becoming, because it is simply returning to who my soul has always known me to be. That feels poignant, but beautiful simultaneously.